Hot Shots

Look at the boyfriend & I!

So close yet so far :-)

Things really have changed.

Okay, I have so much to say right now and like well, a lot that I have been holding back these few days.

OK MORE THAN SOME. MOST OF THEM.

But you know why I wanna punch them ? Not because I am pissed off at them, not because I am so deeply annoyed with them. But more like, I am hurt. I am so frigging hurt by their actions.

I miss 2011. 2012 is turning out to be such a difficult year.

First, I ended up in such a posh school that I absolutely hated. I swear I think I was close to not having any corneas due to the fact that I cried daily. DAILY for about 2 hours at least. I missed my best friends, I missed the atmosphere of SU & my boy.

Then I applied out of Pure & into Commerce. The studies was little overwhelming. So many new subjects & tuition to register for. Absolutely hectic.

& now, countless of problems. I miss my best friends. I miss being in 2011 when everything was so much easier. I mean I had problems then, but at least I was happy. At least things were alright. Now, people are in various classes. Making new friends, adapting to the new 'environment'. I feel myself drifting a part from the people that I used to be so close to, people I used to think I would never face this situation with. That's not the worst part thou', the worst part is that, they don't mind. They are happy with their lives. Without me.

I sound so frigging dramatic but that's how I feel.

I hate that I started cutting again, that I only feel better after I can see the new cuts. I don't know how to be okay with things anymore. Things like being judged by people who barely ever had a conversation with you. People who judge my every action, who say really really hurtful things but don't consider how badly it could affect they aim their words at.

I wish things would get better. I need things to get better. I know it will be but I am tired of waiting. But I guess not everything is bad in my life, no wait I know not everything is bad in my life.

I have the best family that are always there for me, who make the lamest joke & all. I have the most amazing best friend ever. She's always there for me, even when I bring so much drama that counting has become impossible. She's not just my best friend, she's like my sister. Really.

I have the greatest boyfriend. A guy who is always there for me, who literally tolerates me even when I am at my worst.

I need to stop counting my loses & appreciate what I have now. Things get better right ?

Lately the whole lot of us keep going for lunch/outings & etc. It's so fun, I swear.

& this time it isn't just limited to a few of us, it's like so many of us getting to know each other & such which is just tons of fun. We are basically laughing the whole time & stuff.

Been wanting to get the side of my hair shaved but yeah, I'm still a student so no can do. Plus my parents will totally flip out if I did such a stunt. Grr, life as a kid is hard :-(

I can't wait for the days when I'll have my own part time job, driving license & my own car. I'll be able to drive wherever I wanna go & yam cha with the friends whenever !

I need to grow up, must just must :-(

I have so many plans and they all involve me having freedom but obviously, TIME DOESN'T PASS THE WAY I WANT IT TOO. Life is unfair that's what it is :-(

Oh well, shall go back to my Glee-athon.

Hi guys, so it's been a week since I last blogged. Well obviously, it's due to the fact that I have the most strict parents known to man kind. (No hate whatsoever, just saying)

Mid terms are coming & I swear, I am literally nervous as hell. I can't even keep it together, all I do is make list of things to study, take out my books & panic.

But you know what ? Laziness. I have literally cultivated a habit to be lazy, to procrastinate.

I procrastinate about not procrastinating. Asjfkalftd disaster.

Time to Tumblr & procrastinate even more.

Even the best of friends, even the ones that seem totally compatible together have fights. Have their fair share of dislikes to one another but no, it does not make me feel better. It does not make me feel comforted at the thought. It saddens me.

I feel like I am the only one who cares about this friendship. I feel like I am the only one who makes an effort. It's like you could not careless and that even if you were without me, you would be okay. That's how it feels like. That's how horrid it feels like.

To feel like you aren't truly wanted.

But I guess at the end of everyday, I'll always remember

'You are stronger'

Was on Twitter before this & I came across a few tweets that literally have so much obscenity, someone who did not know better would have thought it was a pornography website.

Honestly, do you think that tweeting such disgusting things are hilarious ? It makes you sound like an immature overly hormonal teen who has absolutely no shame whatsoever. Searching up the word 'disgusting' & finding your picture by the side would not come as any shocker to me or probably to the many people who actually dislike you.

People hate you by the way. They actually loathe your existence & your presence makes them feel all sorts of uncomfortable but obviously you are oblivious to such things because in your tiny brain, perversion is causing chaos. & the funny thing was, I once found you a good person. I actually respected you, only to come to the head banging realization that you are not worth anyone's respect.

You constantly talk down to others. I guess it's a need for you as subconsciously you actually know what a pathetic little nuisance you are. Your attitude will one day leave you with no one. I pity those around you, they are still blinded by your bribes.

I hope one day, you are left with literally nothing. Maybe then, you'll find your way. Until then, your existence will always be a torn in my side.

It's funny how life surprises us at times. People who were once mere strangers to us become the most important people in your life.

I will never be the most amazing friend anyone could ever have. I cannot promise to not have my dislikes & distastes. I cannot promise to not let you down ever so often but I can promise that I will never say sorry if I do not mean it, I will never call you my best friend & desert you at the time that you need me the most.

Best friends isn't about who you have been with the longest. In my point of view, best friends are the people who were there for you. Who had the window of opportunity to leave you & yet stayed even when you were at your worst.

That girl in the picture next to me ? She's Nur Ain Shuraya. Once a person that added me on Facebook, a friend I wall-ed with often, a schoolmate & then slowly my best friend. We may argue at times & be very fed up with one another but at the end of the day, she remains a real true friend.

I am truly blessed to have her.

My emotions are just in a mess. I don't know if it's my upcoming menstrual cycle thingy happening or if I am just truly upset. I feel like I am pushing people away, especially you. You know who you are. I feel like my emotions are going haywire & I just want the old you back. The old me back. I want to go back to a previous year. Not 2011. I want that specific year, I want to rewind & do things correctly. So I wouldn't be having this emotions right now.

13 and 2 years. Whoa. Imagine that. My heart feels like it's about to burst. I wanna just pick up the phone & call Drea or Bee but I know they must be tired cos they have practice tomorrow but I miss them so much. They would know what to do. They always do.

I guess it's true, everyone has that one secret that will hurt people if ever let out. That would hurt you.

So right now I am at my dad's office, waiting for him to send me to Parade to spend the day with my girls. I MISS THEM SO MUCH, OMG AAAAH.

Since I am bored as a donkey, I have been on Twitter spamming timelines with #ToMyUnbornChild lol I sound ridiculous but I am bored stiff. Plus I am having incredibly loads of fun cos well, everyone who knows me well knows I love babies. Hehe I am so happy people are telling me I am gonna be a great mummy when I do have kids which is obviously a long way to go.

But also I am kinda annoyed with people asking me if I am pregnant or prolly, bashing me for the spam. Hell-o let me dream, will ya? I mean I don't complain when you people spam my timeline right?

Oh well whatever it is, I am gonna turn the other cheek. Won't let this get me down in the dumps on the day I'm gonna see my best girls.

I like how Youtube allows me to find singers that are not known yet. I like how some individuals have this absolutely magnificent talent of creating covers & making them sound so much better than the original song. I envy those who have the ability to hit any note they want to.

Might be spending the day with the best friends today. Yes, so excited. I miss my girls :')

Been talking to Drea a lot these days on the phone. It's been a while since our last call session thou' we see each other like every other day. Haha, I'm seriously blessed to have someone like her in my life. No one gets me like she does.

Times like this just make me feel so blessed

Third time blogging but I guess I have some stuff to spill.

Look, I don't mind the fact that you guys are friends eventhou' you might not really like the person's personality. But hanging out so often ? Pretending to be best friends ? That's too much. If you dislike someone, don't be a hypocrite. No, that doesn't mean I approve of being rude to the individual but instead, why don't you just distance yourself away ?

I get it, I, myself, have a fair share of hypocrisy in me but there are limits to this. I know way too many people who are so obviously two faced & yet they pretend to be innocent. Not cool. What if the tables were turn ? What if it was you that was being faked to & pretended to ? Wouldn't like it very much would you ?

I am not saying that karma exist but I do believe that you get what you give. So keep that in mind.

So the March holidays are finally here which is fantastic because I am definitely in need of a break, I just need some time from the tons of homework, the heat, the unreasonable teachers, the tuition classes & etc.

But sadly that makes no difference to the pile of homework that's lying on my desk. Lazy Mel is lazy. I am actually meaning to catch up on a few subjects this week & fingers crossed I actually do so. What else?

My Gossip Girl, Glee & Youtube obsession is definitely back. I literally watch Gossip Girl everyday which probably makes me sound like an addict which I am no doubt. Glee is really growing on me compared to my previous views of the pilot. It's a great show that touches many teenage issues these days that obviously other shows dare not even talk about. Thank God for Ryan Murphey huh ?

Planning on catching up with the best friends this week too, you know who you guys are. School & such can be such a barrier for interaction. I bought a new novel written by Adele Parks & apparently it's a good book. Well, that's what I heard. My phone was giving me a few problems a few weeks ago so I finally got it fixed but the battery is still horrid but the technician said there's little that can be done so... Heh have to bear with it I guess.

Nothing much to talk about now, as usual my hamster-like attention is causing the boring blog post. Ah well, it's my blog. Didn't ask any of you to read it anyway.

Before I leave, my favourite Youtube artist. Follow her on Twitter @kathleennguyen & subscribe to her channel ! x

So once again I have been bitten by the blogging bug.

Probably it's due to the fact that I have grown lethargic of bottling up every single emotion inside of me & I haven't written something of my own in ages. Yes, this also counts essays in school.

So what's there to know about me ?

I am 16 year old student of Subang Utama, I am around 155 cm tall & 45kg ? Too detailed perhaps. I am originally a student in Pure Science but applied for Commerce. I am loud & have a mild case of OCD. Which means organizing, ritual performing habits. I am not proud of it but I have learn to embrace my quirks.

I am a very family oriented person, I have one of the best times with them. I only have a few best friends but I have a bunch of close friends. I am the type of person who has a hard time trusting people which probably is the main cause of my bitchy exterior at times. I am judgmental but I am working on that part of myself. I am somebody's Sunshine & that's something I hope to be for a long run.

To be honest, I haven't really figured myself entirely out yet. So here's to a new month & hopefully good days.